Growing Where I’m Planted

When I first walked into the rooms of Al‑Anon, I had perhaps done so for all the wrong reasons—curiosity being the main one. Today, I acknowledge and understand that I have stayed for all the right ones. I have heard in these rooms that we grow where we are planted, and this is exactly how I view my experience of this beautiful program. 

I grew up in a home and amongst a family in which alcohol was always a welcome guest. In fact, it was a guest that often overstayed its welcome. My behavior towards those who consumed excessive amounts of alcohol was disrespectful and completely irrational. I was loud on the outside and on the inside. I resented all the alcoholics in my life and felt an extreme sense of relief when, one by one, they passed away. 

My character defects were etched on my heart and soul like permanent tattoos. Lack of trust, a need to control, and a willful ego had been the managers of my life for a long time, so when I was asked to do service in Al‑Anon, I second-guessed myself. I never believed that I had what it took, and my ego would not allow me to make an error. But I learned the phrase “service does not replace recovery,” which means that my service to Al‑Anon depends on my healthy recovery. How beautiful it is that recovery leads me to accept others for who they are, instead of resenting them for who they are not (to me).

My growth in recovery and my growth in service have enhanced each other. My experience is that there is certainly no comfort in the growth zone and no growth in the comfort zone. There have been many different challenges, like the many different seasons. Working with others, serving in a loving environment, and using the Al‑Anon code of loving interchange were difficult for someone like me who had spent most of my life shouting to be heard, and yet these things all became possible.

After serving as Area Delegate, I was elected to serve as a member of the General Service Board. This truly humbled me. I had no idea that I was worthy of such a role. Again, I found myself mistrusting me! When I was elected Chairperson of the Board and IAGSM Delegate, I was speechless. Tears rolled down my cheeks. Once again, others had more faith in me than I had in myself. How could they? What could they see that I could not? These members knew what I was capable of—I just had to see it. 

When I eventually surrendered to the process, everything fell into place. Again, I was growing where I was planted, and the unconditional love and support of my Sponsors and the fellowship have been my sustenance. Seasons come and go, and so do my many experiences. As I am planted here, my roots remain grounded—serving a loving fellowship as I continue to grow “One Day at a Time.”

By Uthica A., IAGSM Delegate, South Africa

Reprinted with permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.

Seeing Inventories as Opportunities for Growth

From my earliest Al‑Anon meetings on, members stressed that “knowing myself” with the help of regular Fourth and Tenth Step inventories was essential for personal and spiritual growth. Having been raised in the family disease of alcoholism, I was terrified: Know myself? Why do you think I focus so much on everyone else?

It took time, but once I was willing to face my fears and look unflinchingly into the mirror, I started making huge strides in my recovery. My first thorough inventory was the catalyst for tremendous growth. Without it and the ones to follow, I never could have become the person I am—someone I actually love!

Like us, Al‑Anon’s Conference Approved Literature (CAL) also grows and improves with the help of regular inventories. As it states on page 212 of the 2022-2025 Al‑Anon/Alateen Service Manual (P-24/27) v2, the Literature Committee “suggests creation of material to meet new needs or changing conditions and is charged with the revision of existing books and pamphlets.” The Committee meets quarterly to discuss suggestions from the fellowship, and these continued inventories keep our literature growing.

In the late 1990s, a Structure-wide thorough and fearless literature inventory began. All Areas were involved, and hundreds of Al‑Anon members shared their thoughts. Based on that input, the Literature Committee spent several years making recommendations to the World Service Conference (WSC). As a result, numerous pamphlets and several books were updated, and a few were discontinued.

One of the updated books, for example, was From Survival to Recovery (B-21), which had been introduced in 1994. After studying the diverse input received, which ranged from “Don’t touch a word” to “Throw it out,” the Committee agreed to give the book a minor revision. Long sentences were shortened for clarity, and difficult-to-translate colloquialisms were replaced. No stories were added or removed, but two paragraphs of new text were added to the Preface to remind readers to be gentle with themselves when facing difficult truths and to reach out to other members when needed.

Long before this revision took place, considerable confusion had already occurred involving a section on pages 269–70. Early on, some members violated Al‑Anon’s copyright by creating handouts, numbering or bulleting the passage and reprinting it without permission as “The Al‑Anon Promises.” This action gave some members the impression that our fellowship as a whole had elevated this excerpt to a higher level of importance than other passages in CAL.

In 1995, the Policy Committee studied a member’s request to designate this passage as “The Al‑Anon Promises.” Following discussion, the Policy Committee reached the consensus that Al‑Anon has no “promises”—we share our experience, strength, and hope with each other, but we do not make promises. The Committee determined that the passage should not be promoted as “promises” or “gifts.” This was in keeping with previous WSC discussions.

The Literature Committee kept this determination in mind when considering changes for the revision. Rather than remove the passage on pages 269–70, the Literature Committee recommended minor changes so that it would follow our writing guidelines and avoid generalizations. The Committee kept the original ideas intact, but offered possibilities rather than guarantees. The passage, now found on pages 267–68, remains available to anyone reading the book and continues to give members hope for how Al‑Anon can help them live more fulfilling lives.

And isn’t that why taking inventory is an important part of recovery? It gives us hope, opens our hearts to the willingness to change, and helps us to live more fulfilling lives.

By Tom C., Associate Director—Literature

Reprinted with permission of The Forum, AlAnon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.